Christmas Puns

Merry Christmas Puns

Merry Christmas JokesChristmas Jokes

Christmas Puns is just a sampling of all of the Xmas jokes we have here at Christmas Puns. Christmas Jokes for everyone! Bring even more holiday cheer to the Christmas season with funny Christmas jokes that are safe for kids of all ages. You can also find more specific collections with jokes for the holidays, including Reindeer Jokes, Rudolph Jokes, Santa Jokes, Elf Jokes and all of our Christmas Joke Collections.

All of these Christmas jokes are clean, kid-safe and family-friendly. Perfect for teachers and parents, Christmas parties, lunch boxes, Christmas craft projects and putting inside Christmas cards. Email or text a joke to someone, share this page on a social media page, or just tell some while you’re out and about.

Here’s an idea for your Christmas party: write some of these Christmas jokes on pieces of paper and put them in a basket. Let guests read them out loud for everyone to enjoy. And guess what? These are also fun to incorporate into your Elf on the Shelf festivities! Elves love jokes!

Christmas Puns

“The holiday season: A deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” Dave Berry

Walking down the street I wonder if at Christmas we celebrate the birth of Jesus, or of General Electric.

I heard elves love to sing when they work on children’s toys. They are very good wrappers.

A boy is running around his yard in early December, chanting, “I SO WISH I GOT A NEW BIKE FOR CHRISTMAS!”
An elderly man watches him go on for a while, then comes over and says, “Son, what is this about, Santa isn't deaf, you know?”
The little boy, out of breath, smiles, “He probably isn’t, but my auntie Jane is.”

Christmases are always quite hard on the turkeys, but at least they don’t go hungry. In fact, they are stuffed since morning!

What is a correct name for an old snowman? Puddle.

Santa is with us throughout our lives, although his presence can be categorized in four main stages:
1. You are a believer in Santa.
2. You are not a believer in Santa.
3. You pretend to be Santa.
4. You look like Santa without even trying.

Mum, are we going to have Grandpa Joe for Christmas?
No, darling, Just the turkey.

All throughout the Christmas Eve and the silent wonders of the magical night, it is a happy Christmas. Then the kids barge into the living room in search of gifts and turn the season to a happy Christmess.

Santa has a good employment package. 1 month – Santa Claus, 11 months – Santa pause.

What goes oh-oh-oh? Santa doing the moonwalk.

Oh, by the way – the book I gave you for Christmas must be returned to the library next week.

What does Santa say when he enters the toy workshop near Christmas?
Alright everybody, sacking time!

Two idiots roam the woods looking for a nice Christmas tree. After hours of freezing and chasing away the odd wolf, one of the them brings down the axe and says, “OK that’s it. I’m taking the next right-sized tree we see and I don’t give a dime if it’s decorated or not!”

What keeps falling but never gets hurt?
The snow.

I heard of a guy who shoplifted an Advent calendar. He got 24 days.

When the three kings came to visit newborn Jesus, one of them slipped on the straw and twisted his ankle. “Jesus Christ!” he yelled in pain.
Mary looked questioningly at Joseph and said, “That actually sounds a lot better than Chester, doesn’t it?”

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