Merry Christmas Jokes

Merry Christmas Jokes

Merry Christmas JokesChristmas Jokes

Merry Christmas Jokes is just a sampling of all of the Xmas jokes we have here at Merry Christmas Jokes. Christmas Jokes for everyone! Bring even more holiday cheer to the Christmas season with funny Christmas jokes that are safe for kids of all ages. You can also find more specific collections with jokes for the holidays, including Reindeer Jokes, Rudolph Jokes, Santa Jokes, Elf Jokes and all of our Christmas Joke Collections.

All of these Christmas jokes are clean, kid-safe and family-friendly. Perfect for teachers and parents, Christmas parties, lunch boxes, Christmas craft projects and putting inside Christmas cards. Email or text a joke to someone, share this page on a social media page, or just tell some while you’re out and about.

Here’s an idea for your Christmas party: write some of these Christmas jokes on pieces of paper and put them in a basket. Let guests read them out loud for everyone to enjoy. And guess what? These are also fun to incorporate into your Elf on the Shelf festivities! Elves love jokes!

Merry Christmas Jokes

What is the equivalent of a super death laser gun for snowmen?
A hairdryer.

When I was buying our Christmas tree, the cheery seller asked if I’d be putting it up myself.
Disgusting man, I’ll be putting it in our living room of course!

Little Johnny by the Christmas tree: “And are all these gifts from Santa?”
“Yes Johnny,” beams his mother.

“Oh, so you didn’t get me a darn thing again this year, did you.”

A dog is gazing up at the Christmas tree and sighs with satisfaction, “Oh, my master is the best, as always. What dog can say they’ve had electrical lights installed in their indoor toilet?”

Dear Santa, this year, I really don’t need you to bring me anything. Actually, could you possibly take away my mother in law?

“Boss, can I take tomorrow off? My wife really needs help with Christmas cleaning,” asks Joe.
“Are you out of your head, man? I can’t give you a day off for this!” rumbles the boss.
“Oh thanks a lot, boss,” Joe smiles, relieved, “I knew I could rely on you!”

Christmas is on my mind the whole 12 months before it comes.
It is also on my Visa bill the whole 12 months afterwards.

Why are there no chimney sweeps in Scotland?
Why pay for something that Santa does regularly for free?

Billy asks his friend Joe, “Why would you want two sets of trains for Christmas?!”
“Because I still want to get to play when my dad is home!”

Cats have it so much better… They have an indoor letterbox all year round. Dogs only get less than a month of living-room Christmas tree.

Why do storks fly south for the winter?
Because it would take forever if they walked.

So – Santa is this foreign guy with a host of small people who build the toys we give our kids?
Santa must be Chinese.

What do you get when you make a snowman really, really mad angry?
Frothy the Snowman.

It’s a good thing Santa doesn’t suffer from dyslexia.
It would be inconvenient to receive a Christmas visit from Satan.

And who brings presents to little sharks who’ve been good the whole year?
Santa Jaws!

In the morning of Christmas Eve, a lady rummages through the last remaining turkeys in the supermarket freezer.

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